Giving Advice Doesn’t Work. Here is What is Better.
Cathie Leimbach • June 10, 2021
As a leader, you want to empower your employees to be independent thinkers, work through issues and come up with the best solution. This helps your team develop and grow professionally. In addition, it allows your organization’s goals and objectives to be met much more efficiently.
Employees who are trusted to think through issues effectively feel heard, appreciated, and are more engaged. They want to show up and do their very best work every day.
When employees approach you with a problem or challenge, it can be easy to jump in and provide what you are sure is the “perfect” advice. Here’s why that doesn’t work:
- It’s judgmental. It sends the message that you are the smartest one in the room because they would have already figured it out if they were. This ultimately breaks down confidence and leaves the employee feeling “less than.”
- Advice is a directive. When you give advice, you are telling someone what to do. That implies you have all of the answers about what works and what doesn’t. How could you? Chances are you don’t have all of the background in the situation, nor do you have a complete understanding of your employee’s thought process, experience, and skills.
- It sets up a “gotcha” dynamic. When you give advice, you give your employee two choices: take the advice or ignore it. If they take it, they are tacitly admitting you are right, and they are wrong. You are almost guaranteed to create defensiveness. When advice is ignored, it invites the possibility of an “I told you so.” Neither of these scenarios supports your employee’s confidence or skill development.
- It shuts your employee down. Unsolicited advice means your employee will not only not be open to hearing you, he or she will also be much more hesitant to open up with their opinions and insights in the future.
- Your employee ends up being discouraged from thinking through solutions. They stop trying to think on their own. Strong teams are made up of members who can use critical thinking and expertise to analyze issues and craft viable solutions.
So, if giving advice doesn’t work, what does? The answer lies in (a) asking probing, open-ended questions to help your employee think through the issues and (b) always asking permission before giving advice.
- Use probing, open-ended questions to gather as much information and insight as possible. For example:
“Share with me what your thoughts are about the situation.”
“What do you think the underlying problems are?”
“What options have you uncovered to overcome the challenge or solve the problem?”
Using open-ended probing questions helps your employee or team think through all of the elements of a particular situation.
- Ask permission before giving any advice. Let’s say that your employee has outlined all of the possible options they have considered, and you see one more. For example, you could say:
“I appreciate your summary and insights. I thought of one more option; may I share it with you.”
“I am wondering if I may share something else that came to mind while we were talking.”
“I can think of another option. Would you like to hear it?”
Two tools to banish the advice trap.
- Empower your employees by encouraging their analysis and identifying options and solutions through probing questions to develop stronger, more effective employees. That is a win-win-win for you, them, and your organization.
- Asking permission before offering options or solutions creates a consensus-building conversation and communicates the respect you have for your employees’ input and ideas.
If you would like some additional help identifying ways to empower your employees, reach out for a free breakthrough consultation at cathie@agonleadership.com.
Jason left his one-on-one feeling encouraged. His supervisor, Ellen, had listened as he described competing deadlines and his interest in becoming a team leader. They talked about the possibility of shifting some of his workload. Ellen also suggested that training might help him prepare for a leadership role. "Let's work on that," she said. Jason thought help was coming. Ellen thought Jason would bring her a plan. Two weeks later, the deadlines were closer. Nothing had been reassigned. Neither had looked into training. During their next one-on-one, Ellen asked how things were going. "I'm still waiting to hear which project you want me to focus on," Jason said. "I thought we agreed that you would work that out." "And the leadership training?" "Did you find a course?" Jason paused. "I thought you were going to recommend one." They had discussed the same topics. They had left with different expectations. Neither intended to let the other down. But they hadn't agreed on who would do what, or when. Turn a Good Conversation into Clear Next Steps Listening matters. So does what happens after you listen. Before you end your next one-on-one, take a few minutes to make sure you and your employee understand what comes next. Talk about priorities. If everything can't be done at once, agree on what comes first. Ask what might get in the way, and what support would help. Make room for professional growth, too. What does the employee want to learn? What responsibility would they like to prepare for? Identify a step you can each take to move that development forward. Then write down your agreements. Keep the notes simple: what needs to happen, who will do it, and by when. Include your own commitments. Putting It Into Practice Ellen and Jason tried again. "The client proposal comes first," Ellen said. "I'll talk with Marcus today about taking over the weekly report. By Friday, I'll let you know whether he can." "I'll find two leadership courses before our next meeting," Jason said. "Then we can talk about which one fits." Both Jason and Ellen knew what to do next. The following week, both reported their findings and they made decisions on how to move forward. Jason’s work became more aligned with Ellen’s departmental goals. Jason felt valued and appreciated. Their weekly one-to-ones became the backbone of their workplace success. Want to Make Your Workplace Conversations More Productive? Join us for the Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19 . Bring a conversation you want to handle more effectively, and let's work on making the next steps clear. Register Here
Sally appreciated that her supervisor made time for weekly one-on-ones. It made her feel valued. But after 18 months with Emerald Corp, something was missing. She rarely received feedback. Her supervisor didn’t tell her what she was doing especially well—or where she needed to improve. And although the company had promised continuing education when she was hired, no development opportunities had materialized. Sally loved learning. Several next-level positions interested her, but she knew she needed additional knowledge and skills. Meanwhile, two college classmates working in other departments had already been promoted. She was a fast learner. She was getting bored. And she was beginning to wonder whether she had a future at Emerald. So Sally started applying elsewhere. During Monday’s one-on-one, she asked her supervisor whether he would serve as a reference. He was stunned. “You’re doing well,” he said. “There are lots of opportunities for you here.” Sally asked whether he would support her applying for an internal position. “Well, you’re doing fairly well,” he replied, “but there are several things you could be doing better. You’d also need more experience or training before you’d be ready for the next level.” Sally was confused. “What should I be doing better?” Her supervisor mentioned a few areas for improvement. “Why haven’t you told me this before?” Sally asked. “No news is good news,” he replied. “You’re certainly not at risk of losing your job.” “But you’re telling me I’m not ready for a promotion. How am I supposed to improve if I don’t know what you expect?” Her supervisor assumed Sally would figure it out over time. Sally had assumed she was already meeting expectations. Both assumptions were costly. Within days, Sally had two interviews with other companies. One-on-Ones Should Help Employees Succeed Employees shouldn’t have to guess what high performance looks like. One-on-ones are an opportunity to make expectations clear and help employees become more successful. Talk about what they are doing well. Be specific about where improvement is needed. Ask about their challenges, interests, and future goals. Then provide the coaching, training, and support that can help them succeed. Don’t wait until an employee asks for a reference to talk about their future. Ask before you assume. Conversation is where leadership happens™ Want to Make Your Workplace Conversations More Productive? Join us for the Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19 . Bring a conversation you want to handle more effectively, and let's work on making the next steps clear. Register HERE
