Giving Advice Doesn’t Work. Here is What is Better.
Cathie Leimbach • June 10, 2021
As a leader, you want to empower your employees to be independent thinkers, work through issues and come up with the best solution. This helps your team develop and grow professionally. In addition, it allows your organization’s goals and objectives to be met much more efficiently.
Employees who are trusted to think through issues effectively feel heard, appreciated, and are more engaged. They want to show up and do their very best work every day.
When employees approach you with a problem or challenge, it can be easy to jump in and provide what you are sure is the “perfect” advice. Here’s why that doesn’t work:
- It’s judgmental. It sends the message that you are the smartest one in the room because they would have already figured it out if they were. This ultimately breaks down confidence and leaves the employee feeling “less than.”
- Advice is a directive. When you give advice, you are telling someone what to do. That implies you have all of the answers about what works and what doesn’t. How could you? Chances are you don’t have all of the background in the situation, nor do you have a complete understanding of your employee’s thought process, experience, and skills.
- It sets up a “gotcha” dynamic. When you give advice, you give your employee two choices: take the advice or ignore it. If they take it, they are tacitly admitting you are right, and they are wrong. You are almost guaranteed to create defensiveness. When advice is ignored, it invites the possibility of an “I told you so.” Neither of these scenarios supports your employee’s confidence or skill development.
- It shuts your employee down. Unsolicited advice means your employee will not only not be open to hearing you, he or she will also be much more hesitant to open up with their opinions and insights in the future.
- Your employee ends up being discouraged from thinking through solutions. They stop trying to think on their own. Strong teams are made up of members who can use critical thinking and expertise to analyze issues and craft viable solutions.
So, if giving advice doesn’t work, what does? The answer lies in (a) asking probing, open-ended questions to help your employee think through the issues and (b) always asking permission before giving advice.
- Use probing, open-ended questions to gather as much information and insight as possible. For example:
“Share with me what your thoughts are about the situation.”
“What do you think the underlying problems are?”
“What options have you uncovered to overcome the challenge or solve the problem?”
Using open-ended probing questions helps your employee or team think through all of the elements of a particular situation.
- Ask permission before giving any advice. Let’s say that your employee has outlined all of the possible options they have considered, and you see one more. For example, you could say:
“I appreciate your summary and insights. I thought of one more option; may I share it with you.”
“I am wondering if I may share something else that came to mind while we were talking.”
“I can think of another option. Would you like to hear it?”
Two tools to banish the advice trap.
- Empower your employees by encouraging their analysis and identifying options and solutions through probing questions to develop stronger, more effective employees. That is a win-win-win for you, them, and your organization.
- Asking permission before offering options or solutions creates a consensus-building conversation and communicates the respect you have for your employees’ input and ideas.
If you would like some additional help identifying ways to empower your employees, reach out for a free breakthrough consultation at cathie@agonleadership.com.
Most workplace tension doesn't come from major conflicts. It comes from too few conversations. A disappointment that was never discussed. A broken agreement that was never repaired. Appreciation that was never expressed. Over time, these "withholds" create friction that slows collaboration, weakens trust, and makes even simple conversations feel difficult. The strongest teams don't avoid tension—they address it early. Research highlighted in a recent McKinsey article found that unresolved tensions can significantly reduce team effectiveness, while high-trust teams consistently outperform their peers. The difference isn't the absence of problems. It's the willingness to talk about them. One of the most practical leadership habits is creating regular opportunities for transparent interaction. That includes appreciation. People should hear what they're doing well far more often than they hear about their shortfalls. Specific, genuine recognition builds trust over time. Those trust deposits matter because once positive relationships are built, difficult conversation are more likely to accept the message . When correction is needed, reinforce that you value the person, even though they aren’t perfect. The goal is growth, not judgment. But leaders should be careful not to make appreciation transactional. If positive feedback has been absent for months, suddenly offering praise immediately before a critique usually feels insincere. Trust is built through a steady pattern of recognition, encouragement, and honest conversation—not a last-minute compliment. Transparent leaders also address issues early. Small frustrations become large resentments when left unresolved. Teams that clear the air quickly spend less energy managing tension and more energy producing results. The result? Less friction. More trust. Stronger relationships. Better performance. Because healthy conversations don't just solve problems—they strengthen the team. Free Leader Guide: 5 Practices for Trust-Building Conversations The best leaders don't wait for tension to become conflict. They build trust before it's needed. Download our 5 Practices for Trust-Building Conversations guide to learn practical ways to strengthen relationships, reduce friction, and create a culture where honest conversations lead to better performance. Download the guide and start building trust one conversation at a time.
Most leaders say they want employees to speak up. They want people who spot risks, question assumptions, and help the organization make better decisions. Yet many employees hesitate to do exactly that. Why? Because leaders often respond to speaking up as if the speaker is complaining, criticizing or resisting. When people fear being viewed as difficult, they stop sharing what they see. The organization loses valuable information, ideas, and perspectives. A recent McKinsey article found that teams with high psychological safety are two to three times more likely to generate breakthrough ideas. When people feel safe speaking up, better thinking follows. The best leaders understand a simple truth: Speaking up is not defiance. It's duty. When employees question assumptions, raise concerns, or offer a different perspective, they are helping the team avoid blind spots and make stronger decisions. That's why effective leaders don't merely tolerate speaking up—they invite it. They ask: What are we not seeing? What assumptions are we making? Who might see this differently? What information are we missing? Just as importantly, they respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness. They thank people for expressing their perspective. They explain how input influenced decisions. They make speaking up safe. Because organizations don't improve when everyone agrees. They improve when people feel responsible for helping the team see what others may have missed. In healthy organizations, speaking up isn't rebellion. It's responsibility. It's duty. Leadership Reflection Think about your last leadership team meeting. Did people simply agree? Or did someone help the team see something it otherwise would have missed? Download 5 Questions That Surface Better Thinking and make speaking up a productive part of how your team thinks, decides, and performs.