Giving Advice Doesn’t Work. Here is What is Better.

Cathie Leimbach • June 10, 2021

As a leader, you want to empower your employees to be independent thinkers, work through issues and come up with the best solution. This helps your team develop and grow professionally.  In addition, it allows your organization’s goals and objectives to be met much more efficiently. 

 

Employees who are trusted to think through issues effectively feel heard, appreciated, and are more engaged. They want to show up and do their very best work every day.

 

When employees approach you with a problem or challenge, it can be easy to jump in and provide what you are sure is the “perfect” advice. Here’s why that doesn’t work:

 

  • It’s judgmental. It sends the message that you are the smartest one in the room because they would have already figured it out if they were. This ultimately breaks down confidence and leaves the employee feeling “less than.”


  • Advice is a directive. When you give advice, you are telling someone what to do. That implies you have all of the answers about what works and what doesn’t. How could you? Chances are you don’t have all of the background in the situation, nor do you have a complete understanding of your employee’s thought process, experience, and skills.


  • It sets up a “gotcha” dynamic. When you give advice, you give your employee two choices: take the advice or ignore it. If they take it, they are tacitly admitting you are right, and they are wrong.  You are almost guaranteed to create defensiveness. When advice is ignored, it invites the possibility of an “I told you so.” Neither of these scenarios supports your employee’s confidence or skill development.


  • It shuts your employee down. Unsolicited advice means your employee will not only not be open to hearing you, he or she will also be much more hesitant to open up with their opinions and insights in the future.


  • Your employee ends up being discouraged from thinking through solutions. They stop trying to think on their own. Strong teams are made up of members who can use critical thinking and expertise to analyze issues and craft viable solutions. 

 

So, if giving advice doesn’t work, what does? The answer lies in (a) asking probing, open-ended questions to help your employee think through the issues and (b) always asking permission before giving advice. 

 

  • Use probing, open-ended questions to gather as much information and insight as possible.  For example:

“Share with me what your thoughts are about the situation.”

“What do you think the underlying problems are?”

“What options have you uncovered to overcome the challenge or solve the problem?”

 

Using open-ended probing questions helps your employee or team think through all of the elements of a particular situation.

 

  • Ask permission before giving any advice.  Let’s say that your employee has outlined all of the possible options they have considered, and you see one more. For example, you could say:

“I appreciate your summary and insights. I thought of one more option; may I share it with you.”

“I am wondering if I may share something else that came to mind while we were talking.”

“I can think of another option.  Would you like to hear it?”

 

Two tools to banish the advice trap.


  • Empower your employees by encouraging their analysis and identifying options and solutions through probing questions to develop stronger, more effective employees. That is a win-win-win for you, them, and your organization. 

 

  • Asking permission before offering options or solutions creates a consensus-building conversation and communicates the respect you have for your employees’ input and ideas.

 

If you would like some additional help identifying ways to empower your employees, reach out for a free breakthrough consultation at cathie@agonleadership.com.

Age and Gender Shape How Employees Want to Be Appreciated

By Cathie Leimbach • June 10, 2025
In today’s evolving workplace, one constant remains: employees want to feel valued. Interestingly, research comparing data from before and after COVID-19 shows that employees' preferred languages of appreciation have remained remarkably consistent over time. However, age and gender differences reveal important nuances leaders shouldn’t ignore. Gender differences are clear. Men more frequently chose Acts of Service as their preferred form of appreciation (26%), while women gravitated toward Words of Affirmation (46%). When asked about their least preferred language, women were more likely to rank Acts of Service at the bottom, while men showed a strong dislike for Tangible Gifts. Age also matters. Employees over 60 overwhelmingly preferred Words of Affirmation (48%), while the youngest generation (under 20) leaned toward Quality Time (33%). These trends suggest that life stage and workplace experience shape what appreciation feels most meaningful.  The takeaway? While core preferences haven't shifted dramatically post-COVID, effective leaders need to understand and respond to individual differences. Avoid blanket strategies and invest in knowing how each team member feels most valued. Personalized appreciation builds stronger teams—across every generation and gender. For further details, see Dr. Paul White’s article on gender differences in appreciation preference.

Why Better Leaders Mean Better Bottom Lines

By Cathie Leimbach • June 3, 2025
Let’s talk straight—leadership development isn’t just a “nice to have.” It’s the engine behind real economic progress. John Kotter, a world-renowned voice in leadership and change, made it clear: organizations don’t rise or fall on products alone—they succeed because of how well they lead through change. When leaders know how to cast vision, inspire action, and adapt quickly, the ripple effect is huge. Teams become more engaged. Strategy gets implemented faster. Resistance turns into momentum. And yes—revenue and results improve.  Kotter’s work shows that companies with strong leadership navigate uncertainty better and capture more market share during tough times. Why? Because effective leaders create clarity in the chaos. They don’t just manage—they lead change with purpose. If we want to strengthen our teams, our organizations, and even our communities, we have to prioritize leadership development. Not later—now. Because when leadership improves, so does everything else. That’s not just theory. That’s proven strategy. Click here to view the document: Better Leader = Better Bottom Lines and see why investing in leadership pays off. Let’s build leaders who build better futures.
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