Appreciation is More Than Words

Cathie Leimbach • July 2, 2020

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Have you ever received words of thanks that seemed hollow and insincere? Have you ever, upon opening a gift, wondered why the giver gave you ‘THIS?’


It happens a lot in life and at work! Someone reaches out to express appreciation but their gesture falls flat. The recipient doesn’t FEEL appreciated.


I have felt such a disconnect several times in my life. For example, when a friend gave me a birthday present that was far outside of my taste, I was frustrated that she wasted her money. However, I greatly appreciated that she organized a birthday party for me. I value time with friends much more than receiving gifts. 


When I receive a greeting card, I feel valued by the sender acknowledging the special occasion or challenge in my life. However, I don’t always read the pre-printed message, because those words weren’t customized for me. Because generic words don’t make me feel appreciated, I don't expect that others value them either. Since I have a very hard time finding appropriately worded cards for others, I send few cards, even though I now know that I have friends and colleagues who would appreciate receiving cards with encouraging pre-printed words. 


This little known diversity in how people express and feel appreciated has a huge impact in the workplace. Two-thirds of the times that managers think they have shown how much they value an employee, the employee does not FEEL valued. Sometimes, the employee even becomes frustrated with their manager who has just demonstrated how little they know about them.


Does a box of gourmet chocolates show that you value a high performing diabetic?


How does someone who hasn’t received a pay increase in the past three years, due to a ‘barely satisfactory’ performance rating, feel when their boss says, “glad we could rely on you today for this rush job, great work as always”?


Being appreciated at work is an important emotional need. It requires a positive emotional connection between managers and employees. 85% of employees report that FEELing valued at work is the biggest contributor to their job satisfaction. However, only 17% say they FEEL valued at work. This gap needs to be closed for employees and organizations to share more win/win experiences.


It is important for managers to build an emotionally positive relationship with every employee. Otherwise, they will experience high turnover and spend a lot of time hiring, onboarding, training, and being stressed about mediocre productivity.


What is emotionally positive for you, is not necessarily emotionally positive for those you work with. Just as there is diversity in our personalities, there is diversity in our preferred ‘language’ of appreciation. Our colleagues will only feel truly valued if we speak their language. Let's explore the five languages of appreciation in the workplace to learn about appreciation diversity.


The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace™ are:

  • Words of Affirmation such as giving specific thanks to an employee for meeting a customer deadline, is preferred by 46% of the workforce.
  • Quality Time, such as arranging to have a 1-on-1 coffee break conversation, is preferred by 26% of the workforce.
  • Acts of Service, such as helping the Public Relations Coordinator load the trade show booth and supplies into their vehicle, is preferred by 22% of the workforce.
  • Tangible Gifts, such as surprising a colleague with their favorite donut from their favorite bakery, is preferred by 6% of the workforce.
  • Physical Touch, such as a high five, is important for building trust at work but no one has identified this as their primary workplace language of appreciation.


Why Use The 5 Languages of Appreciation Model?

When managers express appreciation in a way that helps their employees FEEL valued, morale increases, turnover decreases, productivity improves, and stress declines, all contributing to a healthier culture for employees and a stronger bottom line for the organization.


Click here to learn more about The 5 Languages of Appreciation™ and how to implement this model in your workplace.

They Can't Read Your Mind. Tell Them You Appreciate Them.

By Cathie Leimbach • October 13, 2026
"I thought you knew I appreciated your work." Kate hadn't planned to say those words in a one-to-one. But when a team member told her, "I'm never quite sure whether you think I'm doing a good job," she was caught off guard. He was someone she relied on. He helped new colleagues settle in, handled difficult customers calmly, and often spotted problems before they got bigger. Of course she valued him. Then she tried to remember the last time she'd told him, and what she'd actually said. There was a quick "Thanks, everyone" at the end of a meeting. A "Great work" in a team email. But she couldn't recall ever telling him what she had noticed about his contribution. Kate had been worried about rising absences and a team that seemed less involved. Praise wouldn't explain or fix every issue. Still, this conversation raised a question she hadn't considered: how many people on her team were feeling their efforts weren’t noticed or appreciated? It's easy to assume people know we appreciate them, especially the ones who quietly get on with the job. We turn our attention to whatever needs fixing, and we don’t acknowledge the people who are doing good work. Meanwhile, people who never receive thanks start to wonder if they are noticed, pull back, stop offering their ideas, and start job hunting elsewhere. Try this week: Look for one contribution each person on your team is making . Tell them what you notice about their work and why it matters. Instead of simply saying, "Good job," try: "Thanks for staying ten minutes past shift change to walk Jamie through the new changeover on Line 3. She now knows exactly what to do instead of guessing." Three elements of meaningful praise are: Be specific. Name what they did and the effect it had. Keep it natural and proportionate. A quiet word can mean a lot. Recognition doesn’t have to be in front of the whole team. Let it stand on its own. Don’t add a "but" or a new request right after the positive feedback. Sincere, specific praise helps people feel seen. It builds rapport because you're showing you notice how they contribute, not just whether the task got done. And people are more likely to speak up and share ideas when they feel heard and connected to the people they work with.  Conversation is Where Leadership Happens™ How often does your appreciation go unspoken? Join our Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19, 3:00 to 3:30 PM, live on Zoom. You'll practice giving praise that feels natural and helps people feel valued. You'll also have the chance to practice other difficult workplace conversations, from raising concerns to working through disagreements. Reserve your place here!

“All Good” is Never a Good Response

By Cathie Leimbach • October 6, 2026
“All good,” they said. But Sarah wasn’t so sure. In the team meeting, just two people did most of the talking. Team members who once offered ideas just waited for the meeting to end. Three people called in 'sick' on the day of our monthly planning and progress-review meeting. Today was just another day with her disengaged team. Sarah realized that whenever she asked others how things were going, she got the same response: “All good.” It never failed that within a day or two of what seemed like positive feedback, a problem surfaced. It might be that they didn't know how to proceed with a new project. Or they were trying to hide a mistake they made. Things definitely were not "All Good". Then, she thought about the questions she usually asked. “Everything on track?” “Will that be ready by Friday?” She wanted to know how her people were progressing with their work. But she had asked closed-ended questions, so she got brief responses that told her nothing. At her next one-to-one, she asked, “How have things been for you lately?” “Fine. Busy.” She almost moved on. But, instead, she dug a bit deeper. “What’s been making things especially busy?” This time, the answer was different. There were competing demands she hadn’t known about. A concern that had gone unspoken. And a feeling that nobody really talked anymore unless they needed help with something urgent. This one conversation provided important information. It gave her a place to start moving forward to improve engagement and results. If you can relate to Sarah's struggles, here are some tips to help you stay on top of how your employees' work is truly going. Absenteeism and disengagement can have many causes. We can't begin to understand them by accepting thoughtless answers. We need to create an environment where people feel comfortable sharing what’s really happening. Interpersonal rapport is essential. It grows through small moments: asking a thoughtful question, listening without rushing to solve a concern, remembering what someone said, and checking back. This week, try asking a couple of specific open-ended questions such as: “What’s been going well for you?" And "What’s been difficult?” Let the answers guide your next questions. Give the person room to share. Then, a few days later, follow up. “You mentioned the client report deadline was going to be hard to meet. How’s it going?” Then, "What help do you need?" When you take a few minutes for such check-ins, employees feel more supported than if you just ask, “How are you?”, as you are walking by. It indicates: I heard your concern. I remembered. I’m interested. I want you to succeed. Your team members are more likely to get involved, be honest with you, and share ideas when they feel heard and connected to the people they work with. Want to get more comfortable starting those conversations? Join our Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19 to practice building interpersonal rapport through conversations that matter.  Reserve your place → [registration link]